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November 2024
Navigating the emotional waterways of transitions: Three stages for veterinary clinics
A clinic whose leadership acknowledges that transitions are part of life and work creates a place where people want to come to work. But transitions can be hard to navigate. This article outlines the three stages of transitions: honor what’s lost, rewrite the “shoulds”/Inner Critic, and look for signs of the new, to help clinics thrive through transition.
Today, everyone is facing transitions. Understanding what they entail enables you to guide others—and yourself—successfully through them.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, thought practice manager Pat Carruthers. Her dad, barely 70 years old, had died unexpectedly two months earlier. After taking some time off, Pat thought the remedy was to hide herself—and her emotions—in her job. It has always been her place of refuge.
But it wasn’t working even six months later. A dark cloud hung over Pat that she couldn’t dispel, no matter what she did or where she went.
Pat is not alone. Indeed, transitions are impacting every age group in the workplace.
Gen Z, the youngest in the workforce, is looking for their professional footing, also known as the quarter-life crisis. This transition is never easy anyway but is now compounded by a world that no longer promises a clear path. The oldest millennial is 43 and despite all their tech savviness and know-how, this age group can’t escape the looming midlife transition.
Gen X is deep in the throes of that transition, juggling empty nests and aging parents. And those aging parents? They are both leaving and often returning to the workplace and facing some of the biggest questions of their lives.
On top of all these personal transitions are the political, social, and environmental transitions triggered by the pandemic. Indeed, instead of asking who is in transition, it might make more sense to ask, who isn’t?
And yet, still, the emotional aspects of a transition take us by surprise. That’s because we’ve been taught to focus on the outcome, not the process of transitions. Once the transition is done, we’ve been taught, life will flow and be, well, a sort of nirvana.
But that’s not what happens. Instead, life throws a curve ball. Your mom gets a diagnosis. The perfect retirement proves not to be so perfect after all. The new job is fraught with politics. And there you are, having to recreate your life—or how you think about your life—all over again. Why are we so surprised?
We shouldn’t be. In fact, nearly 50% of major life transitions are neither voluntary or planned, notes Bruce Feiler, author of Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age. Given that, it is not the transitions that are the problem, but how we approach them.
Sociologist and business economist Mauro F. Guillen agrees. In The Perennials: The Megatrends Creating a Post Generational Society, Guillen challenges the belief that life has a sequential path to it. We grow up, work, and retire. The reality is that we are constantly recreating our lives, whether we’re 16 or 70, and transitions are a part of that.
At a time when 30% of clinic employees are considering a job change, according to AAHA’s recent study, Stay, Please: Factors that Support Retention and Drive Attrition in the Veterinary Profession, building a clinic culture that supports employee transitions creates a culture of caring. And that might just be what causes employees to consider staying.
The Map of Transitions
There are two parts to a transition, notes William Bridges, author of the seminal work, Transitions: Making Meaning of Life’s Changes, still in print after 40 years.
The first part is the actual physical change, be it starting a new job or moving to a new city for that job. But there is also the transition itself. Bridges defines that as the psychological process that enables you to navigate and incorporate that change emotionally.
In between the two is what Bridges calls “the neutral zone,” that is, the emotional aspects of the transition. And it is this zone that surprises people, in large part because we’ve not been taught how to navigate it.
The Stages of a Transition
A transition is, “a time of adjustment, creativity and rebirth after a major life event,” notes Feiler. And yet, some people thrive while others fall apart emotionally. The key, Feller believes, is the ability to “rewrite one’s story” and more so, the beliefs that hold that story intact.
Rewriting that story has three stages. And while these stages are laid out sequentially here, they are more often than not organic and specific to the individual.
Stage 1: Honor What Was Lost
In the opening anecdote, when practice manager Pat Carruthers lost her father, it triggered some big questions for her. “Who am I if I’m not a daughter? And what’s the point of all this anyway?” When a major life transition occurs and the roles we always assumed we’d have disappear, that transition and shift in roles triggers the “big questions” about path and purpose.
Additionally, the immediate loss then opens the door to what grief expert Alan Wolfelt calls “catch-up mourning.” All the small and large losses of the past emerge, losses that were never acknowledged or grieved before. This is why transitions feel so emotionally heavy.
But there is a way out. Wolfelt outlines two phases to grieving. He believes that unless you complete both phases, the grief will never really leave.
Phase 1, grieving, involves feeling the emotions of the loss. Tears, anger, fear, a sense of hopelessness, depression and a host of other emotions often accompany this phase.
Phase 2, mourning, involves a physical action that ritualizes the loss. This can be something as simple as taking a walk with intention or lighting a candle in a special place.
Stage 2: Rewrite the “Shoulds” That Hold You Hostage
Many of us carry around in our heads what psychologist Matthew McKay, PhD, calls the “The Critic’s Voice.” In his book Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-esteem with co-author Patrick Fanning, McKay shares how that voice operates.
The Critic’s Voice works like this: you have an early childhood event, such as being scolded repeatedly as a kid for speaking out, and that event gives rise to an Inner Critic that can follow you as you mature.
The goal of that Inner Critic is to keep you safe emotionally. And while it may have kept you safe in childhood, in adulthood it works to your disadvantage and can limit your ability to thrive.
Take the case of Doris. Whenever there is a clinic meeting, Doris, the receptionist, attends as asked but rarely contributes her ideas. She’s been encouraged to speak up and if she does, it’s timidly and fearfully. What others at the clinic don’t know is that as a kid, Doris’ dad used to make fun of her, and she learned to stay quiet if she wanted to be safe.
But when Doris faced a major health challenge, she started working with a professional. This professional asked her about her early life. As Doris shared her personal history, she not only began to unpack the emotions that accompanied the health event, she also discovered where it led: to that early belief and the story she told herself about it.
As you clear away the stories about who you “should be” in the world and in the next phase of your life, opportunities and paths often imagined in early life can emerge. With that comes, too, reclaiming the parts of yourself that went into hiding. This is the work of every transition.
Stage 3: Pay Attention to Insights, Intuitions and Opportunities
Dan did not plan on a career in veterinary medicine. But when his business partner wanted to buy him out, Dan began to explore what it was he really wanted out of life. He realized the only time he’d really been happy was the summer he’d spent between college semesters when he worked with animals on a local farm.
Coincidentally, a colleague mentioned that his sister was an animal behaviorist. Dan was intrigued and asked her to lunch. They got along well. She was impressed by his business background and he by her skill with animals. They decided to forge a partnership. The result was a new, more authentic career path for Dan that he never could have imagined.
Mythologist Joseph Campbell often noted that when we live with the not-knowing about our next steps during a transition, “Doors will appear where you didn’t even know there were doors.” That is the magic that can occur during a transition.
Guiding Others—Or Yourself—Through a Transition
Learning how to navigate a transition, or guide others through one, is not like showing someone how to use a new software program. Indeed, the skills required are not ones we’ve been traditionally taught. Luckily, those who work in veterinary medicine are suited for such emotional skill-building.
A primary competency is the ability to be emotionally courageous, a skill not generally condoned in the workplace or in the world at large. It is scary for most people. But during a transition, it is critical for navigating successfully.
Compassion, too, is critical. So often, what is needed is someone who can listen and bear witness to what the person in transition is experiencing. And if the person going through the transition is you, self-compassion is especially necessary.
Transitions are painful, in part because there are a lot of unknowns. The mind wants a plan and when one isn’t presented, it calls in the Inner Critic to get one. But if you learn to stay present to “what is” rather than fall back into the past or catastrophize the future, and don the role of “the observer,” a peace you didn’t expect can descend.
Doors will appear where you didn’t even know there were doors.Joseph Campbell
Mythologist
Finally, as you navigate transitions, and work your way through often-difficult emotions, a path will emerge. So pay attention to your intuition, that is, what pulls you in a particular direction, or reveals a path you’d never considered.
Transitions are part of life. And there are simple things you can do ease others’ transitions. First, acknowledge the transition and be ready to “bear witness” to another’s pain. You can also offer resources, be it the name of a trusted professional or support group, or a book you found especially valuable.
Finally, share your experiences with a transition and the “lessons learned.” In so doing, you offer a light that shows the way and reminds others, as Lily Tomlin once said, “We’re all alone in this together.”
A clinic whose leadership acknowledges that transitions are part of life and work creates a place where people want to come to work. Why? Because they can show up completely. And that creates an environment that makes employees want to stay.
Photo Credits: gremlin via Getty Images; Eoneren via Getty Images
Disclaimer: The views expressed, and topics discussed, in any NEWStat column or article are intended to inform, educate, or entertain, and do not represent an official position by the American Animal Hospital Association (AAHA) or its Board of Directors.